(thoughts) attending to words (after a digression)

again, anew: printing, collating, puncturing and stitching but all the while they (it) remain(s) uncertain. It troubles (others) through its lack of identity; its becoming(s) fractally expand its possibilities. It is a they. They are a becoming-it. They are words. Words that were thought, cut, typed, forced, written; words that ‘just’ appeared or flowed. Words were herded and are being bound.

it is an enigma of sorts. Inconsistent with particular frames of reference … an expected identity is replaced with a gently jagged distortion; a distortion not of truth but of preconception. But even to address the words is to enter in a problematic way. The text-body is merely a fraction clipped from a process and, to a certain extent, frozen. However, even in a frozen form the text-body will continue to emerge new possibilities, albeit that those possibilities are quieted, and significantly unprepossessing.

the frailty of the theses (yes, plural) continue to cause concern; the misshapen thing does not fit comfortably … even with itself or its author. Explaining it is never easy. Explaining it away much more simple. It is easier to avoid discussion than promote any sense of worth.

the bulk of the text-body is contradicted by the structure’s fragile construction and its readerly awkwardness; an awkwardness that betrays a thread of uncertainty … a lack of confidence. The structure’s challenge to the reader hides a lack of confidence; it is a defence mechanism, to dissuade and decrease eyefall. The lower the readership the quieter the life of the text-body. Maybe the text-body will be forced into an existence rather than a becoming through its enforced passive aggression.

the bound structure of the text-body is a non-verbal (non-aural) echo of the structure of the thesis and the entire research process. The binding process requires an endurance that has an analogue in the developing of the research; active endurance is fed back into (a record of) an other endurance.

the research process recorded marks on the ‘body’ of the writer of the writing; (in)forming a line of flight through and of intraruptions. The marks healing to form the text-body. A tissue of words … word-scarred. A herniating process. That continues (with digressions).

binding

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verso voce

]

approaching
with
living voice
with
(silent) reading

slowing slanting
towards an I
that had
once written
of voice           [in       multiple voices]

as
the living voice’s
– distance decreases
– difference absorbs
the living voice
waits as words brake

the living voice will re-member the once written

[

sending under

word-bled
withered
troubled
awaiting renewal
the (text) bodies
lie before despatch
They promise nothing
as snow-filled ditches
between
winter-browned fields
pass
words drift                              [word drifts]
away                                                [word rifts]
from this                                                [words rift]
awkward (st)art

thesis

… unending …

As I cursed the conditions on Cam Fell only two weeks ago I now curse conclusion and introduction (I swear loudly at and in their presence). The finish is (cartographically at least) proximate but it holds little current reality. Conditions are once again disorienting and deceptive. I am haunted by the shades to my sides that smother for my attention. The claustrophobia of the elements is uncanny. Awkwardly, and urgently, a pressure impels me forward as the wind did on Cam Fell; but this urging only forces me into wrong turns and faux pas. Briefly righted. Sgraffito word-steps suggest a way onwards; they lull with the knowledge that others have been this way recently and might be cautiously accepted as some form of guide. The steps are erased and Gates offer nothing but reflected light and a swirling influx of darkness. Slowly. The certainty of the one surface is found to be duplicitous, easing me into a world of reflected topography. I re-turn a place I do not know and try again.

The scenarios are deceptively analogous.

Analogy is deceptively scenic.